The day my daughter was diagnosed

 It's 2008. My daughter is 4 years old. Hasn't been able to start school yet from being sick and weak all the time. It was today that she was diagnosed with Acute megakaryocytic leukemia (AMLK). MacKenzie was always tired all the time, no energy, always pale, fever constantly, bruised easy, pain around her abdomen, loss of appetite, and difficulty breathing. Took her to so many doctors from August 2008 to when she passed. 

“The Dragonfly Story” 

Once, in a little pond, there were some water bugs that lived happily below the surface of the water. Every once in a while, one of the water bugs would climb up a stalk and disappear out of sight. The remaining bugs would worry and wonder what had happened to their friend, but no one ever returned to explain.

One day, a curious little water bug decided that when it was their turn to climb, they would come back and tell their friends what they had seen.

So, up the stalk they went, bursting through the surface of the water into the bright sunlight. For the first time, the little water bug realized they had transformed into a beautiful dragonfly with stunning wings. They flew and soared, but when they tried to return below the water to tell their friends about this new existence, they found they could no longer go back.

But even though they couldn’t return, they realized that their friends would one day join them. They would understand when it was their turn, and they would all be together again.

“If I Should Go” by Joyce Grenfell

If I should go before the rest of you,
Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone,
Nor when I’m gone speak in a Sunday voice,
But be the usual selves that I have known.

Weep if you must:
Parting is hell,
But life goes on,
So… sing as well.

“Gone From My Sight” by Henry Van Dyke

I am standing upon the seashore.
A ship, at my side,
Spreads her white sails to the morning breeze,
And starts for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until, at length,
She hangs like a speck
Of white cloud
Just where the sea and sky come
To mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says,
“There, she is gone.”

Gone where?
Gone from my sight. That is all.
She is just as large in mast, hull and spar,
As she was when she left my side.
And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight
To her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me — not in her.
And, just at the moment when someone says,
“There, she is gone,”
There are other eyes watching her coming,
And other voices ready to take up the glad shout,
“Here she comes!”

My daughter’s spirit, I believe, is still with me in ways that are deeply personal. If these words offer some peace or even just a moment of solace, I hope they bring some warmth. I'm here to listen anytime you want to share or how you're feeling.

“Hold On To What is Good” by Nancy Wood

Hold on to what is good,
Even if it’s a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe,
Even if it’s a tree that stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do,
Even if it’s a long way from here.
Hold on to life,
Even when it’s easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand,
Even when I have gone away from you.

A Thought on Memory

Every time I think of her, it's like I'm inviting her presence back into my life for a moment. Even though it brings a bittersweet ache, it’s also a testament to how alive she is in my heart. Her story, her smile, and everything that made her who she was are with me, carried through my memories and love.

Would it help to share some memories about your loved ones, to keep her spirit alive in conversation? Or perhaps reflect on some of the things they loved? Sometimes even sharing their favorite colors, toys, or songs can feel comforting.


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